If you’ve been following my blog or my social media (and you should, Instagram @themattersoftheheartcoach) you would know that I went through a lot in 2019. I had the greatest joy in carrying my son William Matthew after 10 years of infertility. I was blessed to deliver him and he was the most beautiful baby boy I’ve ever seen: his hair, his eyes, his hands, feet and toes. To me and his dad he was perfect, all we had prayed and hoped for. We had the most amazing week and then he got sick and passed away from Necrotizing Entercolitis (NEC) after 12 days of life.
What do you do when your prayer seems to be answered and then before you get to take it all in, it’s gone? What do you do when you feel like God himself has let you down by what He has allowed? Well, what did I do? Honestly, I held on to my faith in God like never before. Instead of acting like I was ok, I allowed myself to feel the pain and grieve. Though I didn’t understand, I knew I wouldn’t make it through without him. I never doubted God’s love for me because in my times of grief, I wore his love like a blanket.
As I wept this year, I knew my Father wept with me and that though I didn’t understand why he allowed this to be, it had to be for a reason. He had to be a purpose! So I’m not angry at 2019. I learned so much about myself, how strong my marriage is, how caring people can be, and how to be grateful even in the most trying times.
I’m ready to fully embrace 2020 knowing that the same God that saw me through the most painful parts of 2019 will be with me always! Therefore I have strength, faith, hope, love, joy, and Grace for the journey!
Praying your relationship with God grows even more. Praying that you understand that nothing can separate you from his love!
Thanks for being a part of my journey and allowing me to be a part of yours! Happy New Year!
2 thoughts on “Goodbye 2019, Hello 2020”
Such a heartbreaking yet hopeful testimony. Praying for you all and I look forward to seeing how God gets glory out of this.
Thank you so much for your prayers! I too am looking forward to seeing Gods Glory as well. Happy New Year!