Let your actions speak for you

There will be times when you will disappoint, disrespect, offend, or hurt someone you love and respect. Right, wrong, misunderstanding: It really doesn’t matter these feelings are all from the eye of the beholder. You can’t change someone’s perception of an incident. They experienced it the way they did at that moment.

If that person and relationship matters to you; if you seek to restore or move forward, here’s a simple yet powerful tip!

Let your actions speak louder than your words and their feelings! 

All you can do is show them your true heart’s intent. Show up, support, keep your word, LOVE! Prayerfully their heart towards you will change. Either way you will be at peace!

Countdown to 40 – Day #10

Thanks for counting down with me. Today is the final day, tomorrow is my Birthday! We will continue our talk about people pleasing.

How does one get caught up with people pleasing? Here are some possibilities:

  • Insecurity – when we are insecure we view ourselves through the opinions of others. One opinion from someone either makes or breaks our day! We see ourselves through the glasses of others. Those glasses are tainted by their life circumstances and unresolved issues. 
  • Immature Leadership – A mature leader prepares their followers to be independent and able to go and lead others. An immature leader seeks to keep their followers dependent so they will always ‘need’ them. If you use the example of a parent, a good parent prepares their child to leave the nest. That follower or child will spend their lives trying to prove to their parents that they are ready, though it will all be in vain
  • Pride – when we are operating in pride we hold ourselves in high esteem. In order to feed that esteem we feed off the praises and approval of others.

If you are a people pleaser, you have to figure out where it began and what in your life continues to support it. It may take some work to get delivered but I promise you: the freedom is so worth it!!!

I pray this countdown of some of my life’s lessons has been a blessing to you. Tomorrow I turn 40! 

Countdown to 40 – Day #9

We are almost there! Countdown to 40 – Day #9 and 10 will be about ‘People Pleasing’ I’m breaking it up into 2 parts. 

I’ve struggled with the desire to please almost all my life! I was in absolute bondage to the thoughts and opinions of others. For this post I want you to do determine if you are a people pleaser. 

For the sake of these posts I’ll define what I mean by the term “people pleaser” = someone who seeks to please people above God and themselves. They seek to make people happy and will do so even if it means disobeying God and despite what they know is best for them! They seek their validation from people and feel incomplete without it.

How do you determine if you are a people pleaser? Ask yourself these questions and answer honestly:

  • Do I have to check with someone else before I make a decision (Minor or Major)? If they say one thing, but you think another; do you immediately do what they say? 
  • Do you feel bad about not taking someone’s advice? Has this made you stop asking for advice to avoid feeling like others are running your life?
  • Do you feel bad about telling people no, or that you don’t agree?
  • Do you feel like your life is completely run by others and you don’t have a voice?
  • Are you willing to do things that you consider to be wrong based on your morals and beliefs just to maintain certain relationships?
  • Are you always succumbing to peer pressure (good or bad) but never able to push your peers to do what you want?
  • When ready to step out and do something new or different, do you hesitate or stop because of worry of what others will think?

When you seek to please people over God you have made them an idol! Yep, it’s that serious. God is jealous and He is not gonna play second to anyone in your life. Don’t believe me., do a search on idols in one of your bible apps or concordance. You’ll see!!!! 

You will never please people and you can’t receive validation from an idol! Your validation, worth, and value should only come from your Heavenly Father who created you and holds the blueprint for your life!

Stay tuned for Part 2!

Countdown to 40 – Day #8

So this Countdown to 40 Topic is “Watch your Words!”

What is in your heart will eventually come out of your mouth. At one time my heart contained hurt, disappointment, anger, and feelings of inadequacy. Therefore, my words were tainted by all those things. As I continue my journey of freedom and growth my heart is filled more with love, grace, and compassion. 

Who can tame the tongue or the fingers on social media? No one can but we should keep in mind the power that our words possess. They hold the power of Life and Death. It doesn’t get more serious than that. 

In this digital age what we say doesn’t go away. So what we type on social media is just as important. I’m so glad we didn’t have social media the first decades of my life! It’s so easy to type what we think. And boy do I have many thoughts lol. 

Purify and heal your heart and you will have better control of your words!

Countdown to 40 – Day #7

Our Topic for Countdown to 40 – Day #7 is “Weakness.” We all have strengths and weaknesses. It’s what makes us unique and fosters our need for one another. As you mature and recognize an area of weakness in your life, don’t beat yourself up. Instead do the following as appropriate:

  • Pray and ask God to strengthen you in that area
  • Study and practice to develop that area
  • Find a mentor in that area to hold you accountable and follow their lead
  • Find a group of like minded individuals and you trade your strengths with theirs (mutually covering each other’s weaknesses) 

Remember you are a work in progress, just make sure you don’t stop working on you!

Countdown to 40 – Day #6

Today’s countdown post is simple yet powerful: Celebrate! Too many people go days, weeks, months, and years without celebrating anything. Let’s define celebrate: to acknowledge (a significant or happy day or event) with a social gathering or enjoyable activity.

There is a time for everything including a time to celebrate! Some let accomplishments, milestones, Birthdays, Anniversaries, holidays etc go by without truly celebrating and you are truly missing out. 

Your lack of celebrating life and it’s blessings is robbing some of your joy, strength, and Praise opportunities. You should be giving God thanks! This is one of the reasons why people have to be prompted to give God praise in our worship services. People have allowed life to beat the ‘celebrate’ out of them! They literally don’t know what a celebration looks like or how to participate.

Get your Celebrate’ back! Get your “Praise” back! Don’t let anymore opportunities pass you by! I’m celebrating life and will be celebrating my birthday milestone all month long *smile*

Countdown to 40 – Day #5

Today’s post “Forgive your Parents” is inspired by my daughter Kayla’s 18th Birthday! Love you baby. 

Many of us have at one point had some sort of mommy or daddy issue. They weren’t there, were abusive, had substance abuse issues, were too controlling, rejected you, neglected you, or were there but not truly present. 

We expect our parents to be nurturers, protectors, motivators and leaders. When they fail at those roles the pain and disappointment is everlasting unless we do the work it takes to forgive and let go!

Honestly, we put our parents on pedestals expecting them to be perfect or as close to it as possible. In reality our parents are human. They are flawed and recovering from the issues of life just as we are. It wasn’t until I became a parent. Acknowledged my mistakes in parenting and how I wish I could redo some things that I saw my parents in a new light. A light of grace and mercy that I pray my children will grant me. 

Forgive your parents! Even if you feel they messed up big time. Even if there are remnants of the past hurt still present in your life, do the work to forgive! Once you have forgiven them, honor them. The Word of God tells us to. They were the chosen pieces that God used to put together the masterpiece known as YOU. No matter the circumstance, God allowed them to come together and produce you! Since He allowed it, you should honor His decision.

Need help in dealing with your mommy/daddy issues view the coaching page or email brokenandnotashamed@gmail.com



Countdown to 40 – Day #4

I will not stoop to your level you will have to rise to meet mine!

The topic for Countdown to 40 – Day #4 actually comes from a family discussion last week and a statement from my youngest daughter Kennedy. “I will not stoop to your level, you will have to rise to meet mine!” What a proud parent moment,  she understands now what it took me years (decades) to learn. See my worth and self-image were damaged greatly at a young age because of the sexual abuse I endured for years. It took decades for me to work through the damage and truly heal and become whole.

In relationships (especially romantic ones) I would accept being treated any kind of way. I had to learn my worth and then set a new example of how I wanted people to treat me. When you settle for less than you deserve in your relationships that’s exactly the treatment you get. When you fail to treat yourself well, you can’t expect others to treat you better. We actually do people a disservice by lowering our standards for them. We give them nothing to strive for. Be a thermostat not a thermometer. Raise the standard (temperature) and watch others adjust and raise their standards as well! No need to be aggressive and make demands, just be assertive and speak up when necessary. Those that appreciate your company will adjust or they will ‘leave the room!’

Good news is, you can decide to make this change today. You are not obligated to be the same person you were even an hour ago. If you know you want to be treated with a certain level of honor and respect, treat others that way and carry yourself in a manner that will demonstrate you will accept nothing less.

If you haven’t already, please follow the blog by adding your email on the right where it says follow me. If you need some coaching in this area, select coaching from the menu and find out more information. I can be contacted at brokenandnotashamed@gmail.com



Countdown to 40 – Day #3

Shine Bright Like A Diamond! Anything Else Is An Insult To Your CreatorCountdown to 40 – Day #3 lesson is I have to use my gifts and talents to bring God the Glory! It’s God’s Will that we use the gifts and talents He’s given us to be a blessing to His Kingdom.

For some decades, I didn’t always offer my gifts for His use. And when I did, I just used them a little or would only go so far. I was afraid they didn’t measure to someone else’s ability or that people would say I’m doing the most. (Yea I know, people pleasing will be it’s own topic to come.)

When it comes to drama, don’t do the most. In fact, please have several seats. As Mary J Blige would sing, “Don’t want no drama in my life” but when it comes to your gifts and talents “DO THE MOST!’ I mean “BRING IT!” I remember Theresa Proctor (Speaker/Coach) teaching on a call “To do less is an insult to your creator,” that has stuck with me.

This includes the talents you think are small and the spiritual gifting you know you are called to operate in. Use them all to the fullest. The earth is awaiting your expression. The world needs the color and spice that only you can bring. You need to get it out, and we need to receive it! Stop holding back, I know I am.

Countdown to 40 – Day #2

Countdown to 40 - day _2

My Countdown to 40 – Day #2 lesson is to “Take Care of Your Body!” Unfortunately, it took approaching 40 to make me finally realize that I need to make better decisions about what I put in my body and how much I exercise it. Honestly, I haven’t been good to my body and I need to make it a priority.

Maybe you have always eaten right and exercised, that’s awesome; continue! But, if you are like me and have put your body on the back burner, it’s time to change.  I know there are some people who eat right, exercise and have still endured health hardships. However, there is so much we can control through diet and exercise that to ignore our health is just plain dangerous.

I tend to people watch, some call it nosey, I call it ‘research!’ So, in my ‘research’ I’ve seen people who resemble how I want my body to perform at 50, 60, 70, 80, 90+; I’ve also seen what I don’t want to be my reality. I want to be able to walk long periods of time without being in pain. I want to go to amusement parks and ride rollercoasters with my grandchildren. I want to have no traces of diabetes or high blood pressure. I want to be healthy and so I will take care of my body.

At 40 I have a family, work a 9-5, work in ministry, and have a business. If I want to be able perform all my roles well, I have to make my health a priority by eating healthy and exercising!

Stay tuned for the rest of my Countdown – Bday is 9/11! Follow the Blog by adding your email on the Right. Thanks for your support.