A few years ago I would never believe that I would be sharing this publicly. See infertility was my dirty little secret. Only those closest to me and those in the YouTube Trying to Conceive (TTC) community were privy to this part of my life. (Click YouTube icon to see some of my journey).
I share a little today to let even just one woman know she is not alone in her journey.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would go from years of preventing a pregnancy to praying for a baby. I’m blessed to have birthed one daughter from my body 16 years ago and another daughter from my heart who is 13. My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years and always knew we desired a child together.
Infertility manifested as unexplained recurring miscarriages for us. I allowed this issue to cause me many years of depression, anger, jealously, laziness, and low self-esteem. I literally felt as if the God I love and serve was punishing me. For sure he must hate me, I convinced myself.
I had to forgive myself for past mistakes and trust God’s ultimate plan for my life. Praise God, I’ve been able to move on and not let this issue control my life.
I’m at peace! Do I have moments where I mourn and think of all I’ve been through? Yes! But now they are just that, moments. The moments are overtaken by:
- Faith that God will bless me in his perfect timing and way
- Hope as I see the miracle babies my TTC Sisters are now holding in their arms
- And comfort in knowing my God has great plans for me. Jeremiah 29:11.
