Failure as a Mom

I’m going to be a little transparent and hope it blesses someone. There have been many times that I felt like I failed my child as a mother. When pregnant with her, I cried almost every day about my relationship with her father. This continued on during her infant/toddler years. And in her pre-teen/teen years I had periods of depression and physical pain after suffering many miscarriages and infertility. 

Now I always showed affection, and ensured her basic needs were met but looking back I wish I was just more “present.” She is now a Junior in High School and it seems like I blinked my eye and she’s almost grown. Now that I’m no longer depressed, “Praise Jesus!” I’m enjoying life and our relationship. I’ve been honest with her about my shortcomings. We love mother daughter days where we shop and eat at our favorite restaurants. We talk about any and everything though she doesn’t always like what I have to say, what child does? “smile”

One of the areas I still feel like I’ve failed her is with her education. See I always got good grades in school. I barely even had to study. But, she and I are not the same. Though she’s struggled in school, my daughter is so talented, so creative, and so much fun. Her teachers always tell me she’s a pleasure to have in class. I wish I was that carefree at her age. I can’t tell you how many tears I’ve cried over grades. I’ve disciplined, talked, prayed, encouraged, hired tutors…you name it! I wanted to give up, thinking to myself if we haven’t gotten this school thing down now, it’s too late. Wrong! I kept praying and got the idea a couple of weeks ago to start taking her to the library after school to get her work done. Man…why didn’t I think of this sooner. She has a desk in her room, we have the dining room table, and the comfy couch. All these were places she would sit to study but they weren’t effective because of distractions. The library has been PERFECT. I think it’s the atmosphere. Everyone in the library is reading, studying, or working on something. She can see the study skills we’ve been trying to teach her in action. There’s nowhere to take a nap or get a snack (smile). She just has to sit and get it done so we can go home. It’s even helping me get my work done. 

I just want to share with other parents that may feel like a failure to not give up no matter what’s going on. Give it another try. If you have issues with your relationship with your children confess your mistakes. I’ve done that. Instead of blaming others, I’ve accepted responsibility for my actions and have told her what I’ve learned so she won’t make the same mistakes. I’ve also explained that instead of being depressed over trying to conceive I will keep the faith and trust God. All things work for our good, even the mistakes we make as parents if we admit it, confess it, and make steps in the right direction. It’s not too late to get it right!

Leave a Reply