Broken And Not Ashamed

These past couple of years have been a journey of healing and restoration for me. Eradicating shame from the equation was a necessary part of my healing process.

I pray if you feel broken and have some healing work to do that you will quickly deal with any thoughts/feelings of guilt or Shane. Don’t be ashamed, recognizing that something literally broke your heart is the first step in the healing process!

Blessings!

We celebrated our sons birthday in July with a balloon release with family! It’s hard to believe it’s been a year since he’s been born and since he’s passed. I realized that I wanted to be intentional about celebrating his life and not putting emphasis on the day he left us. I didn’t want that day to come around each year and haunt me. My husband helped me put my feelings into words. William Matthew was the greatest thing that ever happened to us, point blank period. Yes, we are sad he’s no longer with us, but his memory and the love we have for him lives on. I’m so grateful for all the pictures and videos we have of him. We will cherish forever! Here’s how we celebrated if you would like to check it out. If you haven’t already, subscribe to this blog and my YouTube channel! In October I will be hosting a moment of remembrance for all our babies that are in heaven! Details to come.

William Matthew’s 1st Birthday Celebration

Can you have peace during this COVID-19 Pandemic? Yes, you certainly can. Here are tips:

• Watch what you see and hear!
  • Yes you have to listen to guidance but if it causes you anxiety you don’t have to keep track of cases, watch videos of those that have the disease, scroll social media and read the posts of others that have anxiety about what’s going on etc.
• Meditate on scripture!
  • Meditating and worrying are opposites that involve the same activity ‘overthinking’. If you are thinking about and reciting scripture all day,  you don’t have time to think about worst case scenarios in your head.
• Increase your self care!
  • There are a lot of changes in the nation today. Children are being homeschooled: parents are either out of work, working from home, or are essential and must go to work. Singles are spending more time alone than ever. Couples and families with unresolved issues are having to confront their problems.
  • You need to take care of your body, mind, and your spirit. Make time to rest, eat well, take supplements to build your immune system, laugh, play, and exercise.
  • Make time for worship! Worship sets our affections and focus on God. Praise God for what’s he’s already done: for his protection and healing. Worship him for who is: your protector, your provider, your savior, your Father, the one who loves you and has a plan for your life.

“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭91:1-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

There was a time I answered yes to all!!! Sometimes it’s not others, the devil, or anything else holding you back except for the “Man in the Mirror!” #selfsabotage #wisdomwednesday #mattersoftheheart #brokenandnotashamed

I know how it feels to want to feel like yourself! Even if you haven’t endured anything tragic there are still moments in our lives that change us (ex. Getting married, having a child, loss, failure, abuse, divorce, end of a career/season etc). Expect to feel new, you can not go back to what was! Walk ahead in healing, freedom, and maturity! God has a plan. Embrace the new ❤️ #wisdomwednesday #mattersoftheheart #brokenandnotashamed

Some people draw from you! You were called to give of your treasure to help them! It may or may not be reciprocated from the same relationship. Many will tell you not to keep them in your “circle”. I say no, pray about it. You may be assigned to pour into them, to mentor them in this season. You will get drained however if you don’t also have others in your “circle” that pour into you, love on you, speak into your life! That may mean you need to grow your circle! Ask God for wisdom!

I thought in this season I would have my hands full taking care of my handsome baby boy, he’s no longer here but the love and my time is not wasted! I’m pouring it out. Don’t be stingy in this season. Maybe you wanted to give to a certain someone or something and for whatever reason you cannot. Find someone or somewhere else to sow into! #nothingwasted #mattersoftheheart #brokenandnotashamed

My Broken and Not Ashamed for child sexual abuse survivors is moving to Patreon! I’m so excited to be able to connect more and create a community of support. If child sexual abuse is a part of your story please consider joining, if not please pray for us and share with anyone you know may benefit. God Bless you!

https://www.patreon.com/Brokenandnotashamed

If you’ve been following my blog or my social media (and you should, Instagram @themattersoftheheartcoach) you would know that I went through a lot in 2019. I had the greatest joy in carrying my son William Matthew after 10 years of infertility. I was blessed to deliver him and he was the most beautiful baby boy I’ve ever seen: his hair, his eyes, his hands, feet and toes. To me and his dad he was perfect, all we had prayed and hoped for. We had the most amazing week and then he got sick and passed away from Necrotizing Entercolitis (NEC) after 12 days of life.

What do you do when your prayer seems to be answered and then before you get to take it all in, it’s gone? What do you do when you feel like God himself has let you down by what He has allowed? Well, what did I do? Honestly, I held on to my faith in God like never before. Instead of acting like I was ok, I allowed myself to feel the pain and grieve. Though I didn’t understand, I knew I wouldn’t make it through without him. I never doubted God’s love for me because in my times of grief, I wore his love like a blanket.

As I wept this year, I knew my Father wept with me and that though I didn’t understand why he allowed this to be, it had to be for a reason. He had to be a purpose! So I’m not angry at 2019. I learned so much about myself, how strong my marriage is, how caring people can be, and how to be grateful even in the most trying times.

I’m ready to fully embrace 2020 knowing that the same God that saw me through the most painful parts of 2019 will be with me always! Therefore I have strength, faith, hope, love, joy, and Grace for the journey!

Praying your relationship with God grows even more. Praying that you understand that nothing can separate you from his love!

Thanks for being a part of my journey and allowing me to be a part of yours! Happy New Year!